What if your worst fears come true?

What if your worst fears come true?

“What are you afraid of?”

The question punched a hole in my heart. Emotions spewed out with every beat until I nearly exsanguinated.

Me? Afraid? I thought I was fearless and brave. My chin juts out in defiance of fear. What am I afraid of? Nothing, nothing at all.

I’m not afraid of what people think

I’m not afraid to take risks and tackle big goals

I’m not afraid of death or speaking in public

Really I’m not, and I’m certainly not afraid to try. I mean trying hard enough equals success, right?


Ecclesiastes 4:6, “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” NIV

I’ve chased after the wind my whole life and you know what? I am afraid.

I am afraid of failure

Hello, my name is Vickie and I am an overachieving perfectionist. You see, that’s what scared people do, they try harder and harder so they can control the outcome. But then the outcome is a control monster who cannot be tamed. I may be a complete control freak, but I’m not even partially in control. I am a failure. Despite my super-hero efforts, my worst fears have come true.

You do this because, as all fearers know, eventually the hammer does come down and our worst dream comes true- and everything will shatter in the blink of an eye. You can’t let things break; that’s always the goal. Keep things together ~ Kelly Balarie

Matthew 6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” KJV


In my life A + B doesn’t equal C. Instead it adds up to F for failure. I thought if I studied enough I could become a doctor and practice medicine until I retired. If I ate healthy and exercised, then I could lap you in the gym. It made sense to me that enough love and guidance would shed years of baggage and adoption would alter the course of a life. And I never, ever doubted that if I read all the right books and stayed strong I could keep my life from unraveling. .

Proverbs 27:1, “Don’t boast about tomorrow, for you don’t know what a day might bring.” HCSB

We don’t have to know everything but just have to be willing to accept His everything ~ Kelly… Click To Tweet


In the last 3 years I failed – at everything. My health nose-dived and careened my career as an obstetrician/gynecologist into the ditch. Seven years of soul-investment in a child went belly up when the craving for acceptance was insatiable. The undetected fault line in my life’s foundation quaked and crumbled in my hands.

Matthew 10:28, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” NLT


When Kelly Balarie asked, “What are you afraid of?” I felt as if she had peeked into my head. Opening the pages of her book Fear Fighting, I was sure of it.

It is imperative we stand united so when fear tries to knock us over into failure (which tends to disguise itself as the pursuit of perfection), we rise as a red-rover band of women unbroken ~ Kelly Balarie

During my season of loss and gut-wrenching pain, friends reminded me that God is faithful and He is all that matters. Yes, I failed. Actually my entire body failed; I have an autoimmune disease which literally means my body attacks itself and makes me weak. But isn’t that what fear is anyway? We attack our own minds with the what ifs.

We have to go through enduring before we start conquering ~ Kelly Balarie #fearfighting Click To Tweet


My worst fears came true

And I survived

Because I am a fear fighter


Let me tell you, know what you believe and why you believe it because that is the key to surviving the reality of your worst fears. That’s why I’m recommending Kelly Balarie’s book Fear Fighting. Truth is the best weapon to tame fear. I know truth, but I need it to surround me and Kelly’s unique voice makes me feel like she’s hanging out on the porch giving me a pep talk over a mug of coffee. I hope she will someday.

God often lets us go through pain so we will press in to His love ~ Kelly Balarie… Click To Tweet


Excruciating pain makes us crave temporary relief from the world, but if we press in to God’s love, He walks through the valley with us. Better pack your survival kit ahead of time, then you will be equipped when fear attacks. I survived because I trust God has a better plan for me than I have for myself. Sometimes my emotions still send me after the wind until I reach for truth. Ultimate truth only comes from the word of God so clutch it for dear life when gale force winds blow. I’m done being blown by the wind, instead I’m resting in the arms of the Faithful One. Join me in defeating fear. It’s worth the fight

And what I can be sure of is even if circumstance after circumstance crumbles and tumbles, day after day, I can rest confidently that I am being shaken loose to be re-formed into the image of Christ. Imagine that? If I looked like Him, I might look like peace, calm, courage power, and strength. I want it. I want all that. I want Him. Steady footing ~Kelly Balarie

Joy isn’t recovered from the past; it is only celebrated in the present ~ Kelly Balarie… Click To Tweet

All my worst fears came true and I am a total failure. I’ve been knocked down, but not out, because through it all I haven’t failed God. Oh, I messed up plenty, but He doesn’t remember it…

Isaiah 43:25, “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” ESV

Learn more about Kelly Balarie at www.purposefulfaith.com and order her book “Fear Fighting” at  www.fearfightingbook.com. Kelly is guest posting for me next week, so tune in to read more.

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.






Why you should get rid of this four-letter word


Get rid of the 4 letter F word

We all use it.  Often we dress it up and disguise it, but we think about it often and even say it out loud. It’s ugly and we need to get rid of it, seriously.



Will Smith declared it his biggest box office flop, yet in the movie he speaks a wonderful nugget of truth:

Fear is not real.  The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity.  Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real but fear is a choice.”


The four-letter word we need to get rid of is F-E-A-R. I know, no one wants to admit they are afraid, instead we say we are worried, anxious or concerned, but not afraid, no of course not.

Isaiah 41:13, “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear  not; I will help thee.” KJV


The Bible admonishes, “Do not fear” more than any other command. Does that surprise you?  It shouldn’t.

Ultimately, fear is a lack of trust, a lack of faith. Quite simply, fear is doubt and unbelief. A life-threatening storm was raging when Jesus spoke these words to his disciples:

Matthew 8:26, “But He said to them, ‘Why are you fearful, you of little faith?'” HCSB


F-A-I-L  This four-letter word terrifies me more than the fear-sniffing, human-devouring creatures in the movie After Earth. Fear of failure is paralyzing. What scares you to death? Here is my list:


Situations that challenge or stretch my abilities are frightening. Fear of failure might keep me from even trying, but my dad always said,

‘Tis better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all.”

So I usually try. In fact, I am willing to try however hard it takes to keep from failing because I struggle with perfectionism. After all, won’t my efforts guarantee I won’t fail? If only my own standards were achievable. What areas are you afraid of failure?

  • work
  • school
  • marriage
  • parenting
  • fitness or dieting
  • Words with Friends

To ensure you do what you are supposed to do I feel I need to control you. I can only trust myself, not you. I want to help you but I am afraid you may let me down. Maybe this sounds a little nuts to you, but ask your children, they can probably relate. How about your spouses or your co-workers or friends? Control freaks have lots of innocent victims.


If I am willing to be totally honest, this is the root of all of my doubt. What if He doesn’t come through or what if He doesn’t come through the way I planned? My worst fears may come true.


Starve your fears so they shrink. The more you feed them the bigger they grow. Feed them a lot and they get fat. Big, fat fears. “That is near insanity.”

Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” NAS


Fearing God means having a deeply committed respect, love, and reverence for God’s authority and power. It means being afraid of what life would be like without Him and being grateful that because of His love we’ll never have to experience such despair. It means hungering for all that God is and all that He has for us.” -Stormie Omartian

Enough said.

1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” NIV


F-A-I-T-H overcomes fear.

Like fear, faith gets bigger if exercised and smaller if we neglected.

Unlike fear, faith distinguishes us from the world #nofear #trust #faith Click To Tweet

We need not fear.

2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” NKJV

“Don’t misunderstand me. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”

I try not to be insensitive or glib when speaking of such matters. In fact, I am afraid I will offend you. Thanks for indulging me the pep talk because pep talk is what I do. If you would like to read my practical tips on dealing with anxiety, email me at Vickie@vickiepetzhenderson.com and I’ll send you my prescriptions. Thanks for following and sharing, but honestly, it scares me to death.