When the ending isn’t what you expected

FUN, she said it would be fun. Boy was she was wrong, it was anything but fun.

Where is God when your prayers go unanswered?

Didn’t you believe enough?

The question came through my website, but if you looked at my face you would have seen my eyes shift. You know, that right brain/left brain stuff. People unconsciously look one way when recalling a memory and another way when formulating an idea. Liars look in their brains between recollection and fabrication and their eyes shift back and forth. Dead give-away, every time. Not saying I’m lying, I’m just trying to figure out how to answer.

As part of a blog share, I reposted a link to my “word” of the year. Another writer noticed the post was from last year so she asked,

How did it end? It’s always fun to know the ending.

Well, not always….

Last year I chose BELIEVE as my “word.” I hoped I could believe God and see a miracle. Like Abraham, to believe even in an impossible situation. He believed Sarah’s dead womb would produce new life against all hope. Never doubting despite the logic, or lack thereof. I still want to believe like that.

Romans 4:18, “Against all hope, Abraham believed…” NIV

If you only have enough faith…

I thought I could believe without wavering, but I crumbled. Nothing really turned out the way I expected. I’m not a “name it and claim it” Christian, but geez, I thought if I trusted God then at least the basic fabric of my life was salvageable.

I believe
The problem with the prosperity gospel is reality, oh yeah, and the truth of God's word… Click To Tweet

It’s not that I gave up, it’s just that nothing happened, well, nothing good anyway. Bad got worse and the agonal breath of hope seemed final, then I heard Jesus speak. Actually he spoke to Martha and it’s recorded in the Bible, but I read it and the question applied.

John 11:25-26, “Jesus said to her, …’Do you believe this?'” HCSB

Jesus was a no-show while Martha watched her brother die. Then Jesus said his sickness wouldn’t end in death, but he died anyway: cold, pale,lifeless, decaying, dead. But even in their disappointment and sorrow, the sisters professed their belief in the resurrection power of Jesus Christ.

What about me?

Vickie, do you believe this?

What about you?

______________, do you believe this?”

Believe what?

Believe God is able to do exceedingly more than anything we can think or imagine

Believe God is our portion and prize and He is enough

Believe God works all things for our good

Believe God has a plan to give us hope and a future

Believe dead things are brought to life by the resurrection power of Christ

I believe, but…
Where are you Lord?

I believe, but Jesus hasn’t shown up to rescue me yet. Meanwhile, I’m over here doing chest compressions and counting breaths in a futile effort to bring dead things to life. Can somebody bring the crash cart please? I’ve squeezed more than a few Ambu bags and watched life-giving oxygen bring cyanotic newborns to life. Unfortunately, I’ve also stood helpless in the corner of the emergency room while a lifeless body never responded to vigorous pumping on the chest. Might I add, I’ve watched life slip away while families knelt on the cold, tile floor and cried out to the Lord.

John 11:32. “…Lord, if only you had been here…” NLT

Where are you Lord?

I believe

Sarah’s womb was shriveled, Lazarus flat-lined, Jesus was dead and my life, well some aspects just decayed. What about you? Do you need to check a pulse on your faith? Maybe your physical illness is terminal or your emotional illness is hopeless or you think your spirit needs to check-in to hospice care, but is it the end? You see, Jesus didn’t say Lazarus wouldn’t die, He said it wasn’t the end.

Romans 4:17, “…God..who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist.” ESV

As I cradle the fragile pieces of my broken life, I ask tough questions,

“Where are you Lord?”

“Is it dead?”

“Is this how it ends?”

Jesus asks tough questions right back at me,

“Do you believe?”

“Am I enough?”

Mark 9:24, “Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, ‘Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” NKJV

So no, it wasn’t FUN how it turned out, but I guess it deserves an ending.

Maybe you’re still waiting for Jesus to show up. Can I tell you what I’ve learned? Jesus doesn’t come late. He still has the power to bring dead things to life. After all faith is believing in things unseen.

I believe

Help me overcome my unbelief

Looks like my number is up

Looks like my number is up

I was wrecked. Hot tears flowed from my eyes and lava oozed up from the cracks in my soul. I should have let the call go to voicemail. Gulping for a breath between sobs, I answered the phone anyway. Probably not a good idea; people are not used to seeing me like this. Normally, I am the cheerleader giving a pep talk. It’s not like my mind to wander to such dark places. But after all I have been through, I simply cannot imagine going backward.

At least I had sense enough to cancel my radio broadcast. It surely wouldn’t do to sniffle on the air, although when I did eventually record, my co-host barked several times.

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