When the ending isn’t what you expected

FUN, she said it would be fun. Boy was she was wrong, it was anything but fun.

Where is God when your prayers go unanswered?

Didn’t you believe enough?

The question came through my website, but if you looked at my face you would have seen my eyes shift. You know, that right brain/left brain stuff. People unconsciously look one way when recalling a memory and another way when formulating an idea. Liars look in their brains between recollection and fabrication and their eyes shift back and forth. Dead give-away, every time. Not saying I’m lying, I’m just trying to figure out how to answer.

As part of a blog share, I reposted a link to my “word” of the year. Another writer noticed the post was from last year so she asked,

How did it end? It’s always fun to know the ending.

Well, not always….

Last year I chose BELIEVE as my “word.” I hoped I could believe God and see a miracle. Like Abraham, to believe even in an impossible situation. He believed Sarah’s dead womb would produce new life against all hope. Never doubting despite the logic, or lack thereof. I still want to believe like that.

Romans 4:18, “Against all hope, Abraham believed…” NIV

If you only have enough faith…

I thought I could believe without wavering, but I crumbled. Nothing really turned out the way I expected. I’m not a “name it and claim it” Christian, but geez, I thought if I trusted God then at least the basic fabric of my life was salvageable.

I believe
The problem with the prosperity gospel is reality, oh yeah, and the truth of God's word… Click To Tweet

It’s not that I gave up, it’s just that nothing happened, well, nothing good anyway. Bad got worse and the agonal breath of hope seemed final, then I heard Jesus speak. Actually he spoke to Martha and it’s recorded in the Bible, but I read it and the question applied.

John 11:25-26, “Jesus said to her, …’Do you believe this?'” HCSB

Jesus was a no-show while Martha watched her brother die. Then Jesus said his sickness wouldn’t end in death, but he died anyway: cold, pale,lifeless, decaying, dead. But even in their disappointment and sorrow, the sisters professed their belief in the resurrection power of Jesus Christ.

What about me?

Vickie, do you believe this?

What about you?

______________, do you believe this?”

Believe what?

Believe God is able to do exceedingly more than anything we can think or imagine

Believe God is our portion and prize and He is enough

Believe God works all things for our good

Believe God has a plan to give us hope and a future

Believe dead things are brought to life by the resurrection power of Christ

I believe, but…
Where are you Lord?

I believe, but Jesus hasn’t shown up to rescue me yet. Meanwhile, I’m over here doing chest compressions and counting breaths in a futile effort to bring dead things to life. Can somebody bring the crash cart please? I’ve squeezed more than a few Ambu bags and watched life-giving oxygen bring cyanotic newborns to life. Unfortunately, I’ve also stood helpless in the corner of the emergency room while a lifeless body never responded to vigorous pumping on the chest. Might I add, I’ve watched life slip away while families knelt on the cold, tile floor and cried out to the Lord.

John 11:32. “…Lord, if only you had been here…” NLT

Where are you Lord?

I believe

Sarah’s womb was shriveled, Lazarus flat-lined, Jesus was dead and my life, well some aspects just decayed. What about you? Do you need to check a pulse on your faith? Maybe your physical illness is terminal or your emotional illness is hopeless or you think your spirit needs to check-in to hospice care, but is it the end? You see, Jesus didn’t say Lazarus wouldn’t die, He said it wasn’t the end.

Romans 4:17, “…God..who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist.” ESV

As I cradle the fragile pieces of my broken life, I ask tough questions,

“Where are you Lord?”

“Is it dead?”

“Is this how it ends?”

Jesus asks tough questions right back at me,

“Do you believe?”

“Am I enough?”

Mark 9:24, “Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, ‘Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” NKJV

So no, it wasn’t FUN how it turned out, but I guess it deserves an ending.

Maybe you’re still waiting for Jesus to show up. Can I tell you what I’ve learned? Jesus doesn’t come late. He still has the power to bring dead things to life. After all faith is believing in things unseen.

I believe

Help me overcome my unbelief

It's more fun when you join the conversation

  1. This is so good, Vickie, so transparent. It will encourage others. We’re all somewhere on this journey, maybe trying to pump breath into something or weary with waiting. But I’m with you. I choose to continue to look to the Life Giver and pray the same prayer, “I believe. Help my unbelief.” May he resurrect or give birth to something even better than you’ve considered. He is faithful.

  2. Vickie It is good-but unbelief is a real thing we face. I guess that’s why the disciples prayed that. Is the end fun? Not after all my back surgeries, No. He told me there was so much more stenosis pressing on all the nerves, than he expected & he removed so much…I ought to feel great!!! But it might take as much as a year. Well 7 mos later….I’m questioning WILL it really get better-or is this my life….4 bad days..then 1 good day?? I can put on a smile & makeup & nice clothes for a few hours-then I’d be embarrassed if people saw me in my pjs till 3 or 4pm or all day, lying on ice the whole day. I believe my dr-i should feel better. But maybe I’m just a big wimp & not pushing myself enough? Maybe my ‘type A’ personality turned into a ‘type F’ personality?? Maybe it’s all my fault for not doing more of my PT exercises? Or maybe it’s just my unbelief??? If I believed more, read & memorized scripture & prayed more?? How do we handle things if this is the best we can do??

    • I am so glad you asked. When we truly believe, it doesn’t mean we get what we asked for. That’s name it and claim it. We must believe He knows best. Suffering brings us to our knees and apparently I am needing to live there right now. I’m glad you asked because I needed the reminder. His ways are not our ways, His plans are certainly not our plans, but we must trust His heart and that His plan is best. Even when, especially when, it’s not what we want

      • Thanks…. is it ok if it’s not the answer I wanted? ….But in actuality, if this is the best it gets…I’m living so much more life than all the overseas countries I’ve been to-even if it’s one good day out of 4. Even if those 4 days lying on ice & looking out my window of our new home at our beautiful horses running in the pastures. One day of feeling good out of 4 is a lot more than some have. I’m blessed to not have to work & bobs love language is acts of service & he’s retired so he works on the farm & doesn’t mind eating out a lot.& buying groceries & laundry & vacuuming-he doesn’t do bathrooms or windows! Ha!! So your answer was what I needed…this may be all I have….but God does love me & gives me the very best of his plans. So thank you, if this is the best it is, I need to be thankful & when I think about it, I have too many blessings from God to complain. Can you tell this has been one of my Good Days??? Your blog HELPS!!!

  3. I think I know how you feel, Vickie. I’m thankful God inspired the writers of scripture to include that “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” exchange … what a wonderful example for us of how to respond when God doesn’t show up when or how we so want Him to. I’m sorry things didn’t turn out the way you hoped and prayed last year … (Glad to be your neighbor this week at #liveFreeThursday.)