“What are you afraid of?”
The question punched a hole in my heart. Emotions spewed out with every beat until I nearly exsanguinated.
Me? Afraid? I thought I was fearless and brave. My chin juts out in defiance of fear. What am I afraid of? Nothing, nothing at all.
I’m not afraid of what people think
I’m not afraid to take risks and tackle big goals
I’m not afraid of death or speaking in public
Really I’m not, and I’m certainly not afraid to try. I mean trying hard enough equals success, right?
Ecclesiastes 4:6, “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” NIV
I’ve chased after the wind my whole life and you know what? I am afraid.
I am afraid of failure
Hello, my name is Vickie and I am an overachieving perfectionist. You see, that’s what scared people do, they try harder and harder so they can control the outcome. But then the outcome is a control monster who cannot be tamed. I may be a complete control freak, but I’m not even partially in control. I am a failure. Despite my super-hero efforts, my worst fears have come true.
You do this because, as all fearers know, eventually the hammer does come down and our worst dream comes true- and everything will shatter in the blink of an eye. You can’t let things break; that’s always the goal. Keep things together ~ Kelly Balarie
Matthew 6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” KJV
MY BEST EFFORTS
In my life A + B doesn’t equal C. Instead it adds up to F for failure. I thought if I studied enough I could become a doctor and practice medicine until I retired. If I ate healthy and exercised, then I could lap you in the gym. It made sense to me that enough love and guidance would shed years of baggage and adoption would alter the course of a life. And I never, ever doubted that if I read all the right books and stayed strong I could keep my life from unraveling. .
Proverbs 27:1, “Don’t boast about tomorrow, for you don’t know what a day might bring.” HCSBWe don’t have to know everything but just have to be willing to accept His everything ~ Kelly… Click To Tweet
I LOST EVERYTHING
In the last 3 years I failed – at everything. My health nose-dived and careened my career as an obstetrician/gynecologist into the ditch. Seven years of soul-investment in a child went belly up when the craving for acceptance was insatiable. The undetected fault line in my life’s foundation quaked and crumbled in my hands.
Matthew 10:28, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” NLT
MY WORST FEARS CAME TRUE
When Kelly Balarie asked, “What are you afraid of?” I felt as if she had peeked into my head. Opening the pages of her book Fear Fighting, I was sure of it.
It is imperative we stand united so when fear tries to knock us over into failure (which tends to disguise itself as the pursuit of perfection), we rise as a red-rover band of women unbroken ~ Kelly Balarie
During my season of loss and gut-wrenching pain, friends reminded me that God is faithful and He is all that matters. Yes, I failed. Actually my entire body failed; I have an autoimmune disease which literally means my body attacks itself and makes me weak. But isn’t that what fear is anyway? We attack our own minds with the what ifs.We have to go through enduring before we start conquering ~ Kelly Balarie #fearfighting Click To Tweet
My worst fears came true
And I survived
Because I am a fear fighter
KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE THEN BELIEVE WHAT YOU KNOW
Let me tell you, know what you believe and why you believe it because that is the key to surviving the reality of your worst fears. That’s why I’m recommending Kelly Balarie’s book Fear Fighting. Truth is the best weapon to tame fear. I know truth, but I need it to surround me and Kelly’s unique voice makes me feel like she’s hanging out on the porch giving me a pep talk over a mug of coffee. I hope she will someday.God often lets us go through pain so we will press in to His love ~ Kelly Balarie… Click To Tweet
Excruciating pain makes us crave temporary relief from the world, but if we press in to God’s love, He walks through the valley with us. Better pack your survival kit ahead of time, then you will be equipped when fear attacks. I survived because I trust God has a better plan for me than I have for myself. Sometimes my emotions still send me after the wind until I reach for truth. Ultimate truth only comes from the word of God so clutch it for dear life when gale force winds blow. I’m done being blown by the wind, instead I’m resting in the arms of the Faithful One. Join me in defeating fear. It’s worth the fight
Joy isn’t recovered from the past; it is only celebrated in the present ~ Kelly Balarie… Click To Tweet
And what I can be sure of is even if circumstance after circumstance crumbles and tumbles, day after day, I can rest confidently that I am being shaken loose to be re-formed into the image of Christ. Imagine that? If I looked like Him, I might look like peace, calm, courage power, and strength. I want it. I want all that. I want Him. Steady footing ~Kelly Balarie
All my worst fears came true and I am a total failure. I’ve been knocked down, but not out, because through it all I haven’t failed God. Oh, I messed up plenty, but He doesn’t remember it…
Isaiah 43:25, “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” ESV
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.