A breakthrough in controlling anxiety
The pillow must activate the cotton candy machine in my head. All day long I control my feelings, then I lie down and my thoughts swirl around the edges of my mind, collecting more junk with every revolution. It grows into big, sticky mess.
My own voice in the dark interrupted my obsessions and startled me as much as the sleeping dog nearby. Way too much real estate in my brain is occupied by these ruminations and I’m sick of it and sick from it.
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This habit is my focus and it has to stop because it’s not worthy of my attention which rightfully belongs to God.
Isaiah 26:3, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you.” ESV
Lying under the covers, I made a commitment to put away my worry. For a moment I hesitated and narrowed the eyes of my mind to stare at it one last time before I put it in a box and slammed the lid. Allowing the latch to fall into place, I slid the lock through the eye and snapped it tight. I put it out of my mind. Oh, of course I tip-toed back to the box several times and mentally fingered the lock before the Holy Spirit nudged my hand away.
Stop it. Why would I want to go back there?
I should never let my mind wander, it falls into a cavernous rut and doesn’t come back. It’s enough to make me feel like I’ve totally lost it and need a search party.
Psalm 139:23, “Search me, God, and know my anxious heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” NIV
Giving up the self-talk, I turned to God.
Search me ~ He did
Know my anxious heart ~ He does
Test me ~ He will
Know my anxious thoughts ~ Here we go again
Seriously, this has to stop.
Psalm 139:24, “See if there is any offensive way and lead me in the way everlasting.” NIV
See there’s the problem; I like to lead, not follow.
My thoughts need to follow His thoughts, but they are so unlike mine. His ways aren’t like mine either or none of this would be happening. What does that even mean, follow His thoughts? Trust. Trust He is leading me to good places, put on my faith eyes and quit walking by sight. His word is a light for the next right step, so take it.
Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen to God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go…” MSG
THE LIGHT IS BACK ON
For the first time in a while, I’m smiling again. Not only that, I’ve laughed so hard I could barely sit up. I wish I could tell you I’m totally free from traveling down that mental dead end road. Maybe someday. My breakthrough came when I put my thoughts in reverse and backed out of this quagmire. No one promised it would be easy, but the effort is worth it, because I’m getting there and you can too.
Lamentations 3:40, “Let us search out and examine our ways and turn back to the Lord.” HCSB