Where is God when I need Him?

A shadow grows above my left shoulder and I can’t breathe. Well I can, but it sounds more like controlled gasping. This is the steepest slope I’ve ever climbed. Not on my road bike, in my life. And I’m suffocating.

Where is God when I need Him?

Though I haven’t been able to exercise in two years, the residual strength in my muscles surprises me. Not to brag, but I was exceptionally fit when I got sick. My above average strength was the reason my doctor’s thought I was faking, or crazy. I’ll admit to being a little crazy, but I hate fake.

Unfinished business

My breaths came in rhythmic, audible draws as I shifted into low gear to decrease the resistance in my chain. This ride was monumental, for both of us. My riding companion was my faithful friend who has seen the inside of my junk drawers. We started this race five years ago, but we didn’t finish because she crashed; then I did.

The creeping brown bruise on the back of my left hand was evidence of the IV infusion I received three days earlier. I still swallow nine pills a day, but despite myasthenia gravis, I pedaled thirty-two miles and finished the race. No way could I have done it without my friend. Besides, my kids wouldn’t have let me anyway.

I’m right here

When the road was flat and open she rode beside me, but on the hills or in the crowd she stayed behind. Even when I didn’t see her shadow over my left shoulder, I knew she was there when I recognized her voice in the crowd. Occasionally if I couldn’t see or hear her, I briefly took my eyes off the road and glanced back. When I didn’t spot her, she reassured me,

I’m right here

The mountain I’m pedaling up now is the biggest challenge I have ever faced. I never imagined gasping for air like this. The top is shrouded in fog and I can’t always see where I’m going. Still I keep pedaling and watch for His presence.

Hebrews 13:5, “…Be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ESV

Where are you, God?

He promises to be there. Sometimes I feel Him by my side and other times He seems to lag back where I can’t see Him. My spiritual eyes are darting for reassurance and when He knows I need it, I hear His voice.

Isaiah 50:21, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.” NIV

I don’t want to walk in it

I would rather coast downhill. THIS, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Not to brag, but I would not survive if I didn’t have some spiritual muscle beforehand. You can’t wait until you crash to put on your helmet. You can’t wait until your life turns upside down to get into God’s word.

Please don’t think for an instant my spiritual muscle is built by my own strength, I’m talking about:

The word of God hidden in my heart

The truth stored in my marrow

The history and milestones I have with my Savior

I trust Him. He has always been faithful.

Hebrews 10:23, “Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” HCSB

I am surrounded by friends who are cheering me on. God gives me strength to do what I’m called to do –

I’ll finish the race

2 Timothy 4:6, “You take over. I’m about to die, my life an offering on God’s altar. This is the only race worth running.” MSG

Thanks for sharing the ride of my life with me. My thoughts, words and heart are in pieces sometimes. I included lots of links in this post to help you see the landmarks I’ve passed. When you have time, I hope you’ll click on the bolded, underlined phrases for the rest of the story.

8 thoughts on “Where is God when I need Him?

  1. You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I continue to pray for a miraculous touch from Jesus, and in the meantime, for Him to lift you above your circumstances every day.

  2. I love that you quoted a verse from Hebrews in your post. I’ve been studying through this book, and it is such an encouragement to me. (And I don’t mean a fluffy, feel good kind of encouragement…I mean the strong kind of encouragement that has weight and depth.) Two of the themes I have focused on are 1) Jesus is better than everything/everyone, and 2) endure to the end. And like you quoted, He will be with His children every single step of the way, and not only that, He has gone before us, already securing victory! Hallelujah! Keep pressing on, keeping your eyes on Him! Praying for you tonight. 🙂

  3. After reading this post, I took time to pray for you. May God continue to bring healing and strengthen you each day. The verse which comes to mind is: “Energize the limp hands, strengthen the rubbery knees. Tell the fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right.” (Isaiah 35: 3-4, MSG) I think this is my first time here, so may I also say, “Nice to meet you!” Blessings to you today!

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