Remember, it is your choice whether or not to read this. I found the perfect book to recommend to a friend who is struggling.
I’m a pusher
Absorbing the wisdom tucked between the pages of the book, an image of her face came to the forefront of my mind. Certain these words would smooth out the wrinkles in her life, I recommended the book to her. Yeah, I may have even bought it for her. I’ve done it at least 3 million times. If you were my patient, you probably were prescribed a book for all manner of ills. Let me just admit – I’m an advice pusher.
Proverbs 22:17, “Listen closely, pay attention to the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge.” HCSB
Good Intentions vs. Bad Timing
We all know pushers. The food pushers say, “Don’t you want another piece of cake? It’s soooo delicious.” The clothes pushers say, “That is sooo cute, you have to buy it.” Hello, my name is Vickie and I’m an advice pusher. Tell me a problem and I’ll suggest a solution, or a book. It’s not that I’m trying to tell you what to do, I just want to share the freedom I’ve found. Not that I wouldn’t be tickled to tell you what to do, just please understand my motive.
But the reality is, sometimes when you are truly struggling, you don’t want to hear it. It’s the timing that’s the rub.
People ask for help. People need help. Those who have traveled the road should absolutely share their wisdom.
Titus 2:3-6, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
When the helmet meets the road
The steady whoosh of wind in my ears was splintered by a scream. I was forced to take my eyes off the road and crane my neck in time to see a flurry of spokes and tires. They landed sprawled on the asphalt with the right pedal still tethered to the rider’s right foot. My brain scrambled to keep up with tumbling arms, legs and the crunch of the cracking helmet. I don’t remember squeezing my own brakes or unclipping my feet, but within seconds I knelt beside my broken friend. To this day, I’m not sure why she wrecked but I never once thought about chastising her,
You should keep your eyes on the road
You shouldn’t follow so closely
You need to watch for loose gravel
Don’t overcompensate if you swerve
Seriously what idiot would do that? Yet, how many times have I offered advice when I should have offered a hand?Before you offer advice, offer a hand #friendship Click To Tweet
Does offering advice ruin a friendship?
I knelt and rolled a water bottle under her shattered shoulder. My knees ached as I squatted for 45 minutes waiting for the ambulance. If I wrapped both hands around the bottle and elevated my knuckles her grimace was held at bay. I said little, I simply stayed by her side and tried to ease her pain. Imagine the absurdity if I handed her “The Big Book of Cycling,” and said, “You ought to read this, I think it would help you.” Oh but I am guilty of saying;
You ought to…
Have you tried….
Ecclesiates 3:7 ,”A right time to shut up and another to speak.” MSG
The Right Time
People want help and I’m eager to oblige. But at times, I’ve regretted the timing. After a porch visit, the lady stood to leave. Her knuckles blanched as she gripped the handles of her purse. The corners of her mouth strained upward while the pools barely contained in her lower lids threatened to leak onto her cheeks.
“Will you pray for me?”
Words, tears and emotions gushed out as shared her heartbreak. She blew the whistle and cried for a lifeline. We hugged and prayed and talked. I gave advice and….
I recommended a book
I couldn’t help it. I’m an advice pusher. At least I am willing to admit it. Are you?
So how do you know when it’s time to help and when it’s time to hear? Maybe we should push pause and pray.
Waiting for emergency care at the crash scene is certainly not the time to lecture or fix. Sometimes the most powerful action is none, except a listening ear and a comforting presence.
But of course, when they ask, that’s a different story. Remember, it was your choice to read this. I even wrote my own book on forgiveness. Click here to order on Amazon.
If you admit you are an advice pusher share this post. Tell ’em I recommended reading it.