Don’t ever put me on a pedestal
I don’t want to do this anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it immensely, but you see, um, how do I say this without letting you down? “I am not qualified.” Frankly I am not good enough.
There are people out there who read what I write; people I don’t even know, people who are desperate for encouragement, hope and truth. It’s scary. When I attempt to speak into the lives of others, I often don’t measure up to my own teaching. I want to quit because it feels like a set up for failure. I don’t want to be a poser so I will be honest with you – I color outside the lines sometimes. If you have spent much time with me, you know it’s true. Everyone doesn’t know. Some people read my blog, hear me teach or speak and have an unrealistic perception of my life. I am not afraid of heights, but I am terrified of pedestals. Don’t ever put me there.I am not afraid of heights, but I am terrified of pedestals. Don't ever put me there#nevergoodenough Click To Tweet
I’VE BEEN CAUGHT
Don’t make this into a bigger deal than it was, but recently I was recognized. Sitting in a theater, a group of women passed my table and recognized me from a recent speaking event. I fully expect to be in the spotlight when I speak, but not when I am at dinner. It’s a lot of pressure. Suddenly, I was acutely aware of my unedited words and my imperfect behavior. My mother was with me so I was behaving relatively well, but I don’t always. Am I a pretender?
2 Corinthians 5:20, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, certain that God is appealing through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf, ‘Be reconciled to God.'” HCSB
NO, I AM AN AMBASSADOR
Don’t think I am a hypocrite, but the truth is I don’t always practice what I preach. But here’s the deal, I believe it. Mostly, I write to myself, encouraging myself to seek the Lord and follow Him. It would be safer to not make it public, but I’m thrilled to have your company along the way. Writing is a gamble. I figure some of you probably struggle with the same issues I do, so I willingly expose my own insecurities. It makes me feel uncomfortably vulnerable. People read it, people share it and more people read it. Then there I am, representing Jesus Christ for all the world to see.
Ephesians 5:15, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise.” ESV
Some days I want to quit. If I stop writing, I won’t embarrass myself. I can’t be criticized for what I don’t say. It is less risky to stay silent. That voice in my head saying, “Who do you think you are?” would be squashed and I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.
Ephesians 5:13, “Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.” MSG
The only way I can continue is to admit failure, accept my imperfections and give credit to God for anything good you see in me. Here’s the truth: life is hard, consistency even harder. If I risk it all, is it worth it?The voice of condemnation can drown out the gentle call of the Holy Spirit #perservere Click To Tweet
Hebrews 10:36, “For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised.” HCSB
WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH
Some of you may think I am really spiritual. While I would like for you to believe that, it would be dangerous. Besides, I will disappoint you. As a young adult, I sat in church every Sunday thinking everyone had it all together except me. It was a defeating lie. Honestly, it kept me from walking in victory and understanding grace. I strive for perfection and consistently fall short. I suppose that is the exact reason I need Jesus, huh? I’ll make a deal with you. I won’t quit if you won’t.
Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us.” NIV
YOU PROBABLY KNOW SOME STORIES ABOUT ME
Remember, I will moderate the comments, so if you dredge up some embarrassing moment from my past I may delete it, but probably not. I am mostly an open book. Otherwise, I’d be a hypocrite.
Photo cred: E. Clair