You are my prisoner, but I don’t even know you

Let me go

The prison of unforgiveness

I googled my name. Wait, hear me out, I had a good reason. Besides, you’ve probably done it too.  My actions were motivated by slacking, which I suppose is the ultimate oxymoron, but it is true. I discovered someone was in a self-constructed prison of unforgiveness.

2 Corinthians 11:30, “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weaknesses.” NIV

RATE A DOCTOR

Multiple websites are available for patients to provide feedback about their doctors, so googling my name yielded multiple results. Over the years, I have had my share of positive and negative reviews and I am mostly immune to it. Still, I was caught off guard by one particular entry.

Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.” KJV

SLACKER

For the third time, I am participating in the Siesta Scripture Memory Team. Every other year, Living Proof Ministries host a challenge for women to memorize Bible verses. I usually record my scriptures in a spiral notebook of index cards, but when I opened it I noticed a page was left totally blank. Apparently, I forgot to write down my verse, much less learn it. I thought I could find it if I googled my name. Instead,  I was heartbroken when I noticed a new review.

She was rude. I am glad she is gone.

NEGATIVE FEEDBACK

My skin is pretty thick, but this review was dated June 24, 2015. Why would someone post an on-line rant about me three hundred sixty-four days after I quit practicing medicine due to a debilitating disease?

Proverbs 30:32-33, “If you’re dumb enough to call attention to yourself by offending people and making rude gestures, don’t be surprised if someone bloodies your nose. Churned milk turns into butter; riled emotions turn into fist fights.” MSG

LET ME APOLOGIZE

First, let me say I am truly sorry. I’m not upset about the review, opinions are fickle anyway. I just feel terrible that someone out there is still dragging around ill feelings because of something I said over a year ago. It is conceivable she misunderstood my bluntness and concern for rudeness. Of course I must admit, I am perfectly capable of rudeness. Perhaps I had a bad day or maybe I was sleep deprived or possibly facing a life-altering diagnosis (I battled ocular myasthenia gravis for six weeks before the disease generalized). Nevertheless, there is no excuse, so I apologize.

Romans 7:18, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” ESV

THE COLD, HARD TRUTH

I am sorry I caused someone to stew about me for so long, but as gently as I can, I would like to tell this person:  I honestly don’t remember. Do you hear what I am saying? I have not thought about her, I have not lost one minute of sleep and I don’t even know who she is. Admittedly, that may indicate I have been rude to more than one person, but what really made me sad is to realize that she is my prisoner. She has chained herself to me for over three hundred sixty-four days.

Let me go.

2 Peter 2:19, “For by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved.” NASB

SLAVERY

One of the biggest challenges I have ever faced is forgiving those who have wronged me. Two doctors betrayed me and the breach in trust was nearly as incurable as my disease. Although I retold the story and nursed the grudge, I am pretty confident they were  left relatively unscathed. In fact, they probably don’t even remember me. Unforgiveness destroys the offended and not the offender, they are free. So let them go.

1 Corinthians 7:23, “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.” NKJV

BREAK THE CHAINS

By the way, what is that you are dragging behind you?

Are you attached to someone who has not thought about you in a long time?

Do you lay awake at night harboring a grudge against your…

  • ex-husband
  • step mother
  • brother
  • co-worker
  • teacher
  • church
  • doctor
Forgiveness sets you free from a self-constructed prison #forgiveness Click To Tweet

Fill in you own blank, then unchain yourself. Even if you never get a well-deserved apology, cut yourself loose. Don’t be a prisoner to someone who never gives you a second thought. Trust me, I understand forgiveness is not easy, it is a choice. Hard choices require constant effort, but the alternative is to keep dragging it around. That’s exhausting. Isn’t it time to move on?

Forgive others. Forgive me too, and  I’ll try to be nice.

Ephesians 4:32, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” NLT

This post was actually the beginning of my own journey to forgive. Click here to order my book, “Dressing the Wound: Give Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness.”

23 thoughts on “You are my prisoner, but I don’t even know you

  1. Thanks for this Vickie. I have been nursing a bit of a grudge against a doctor that treated one of my children. He isn’t local by the way. But, as you said in this post, I’m sure he doesn’t even remember me or my child so why hold onto it? If I have to deal with him in the future (and I may have to at some point) I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it. But for now, I will let it and him go, because it’s not worth it.

    I agree with the above commenter, I can’t imagine you being rude. Run off your tail and brief but not rude! You always had a smile on your face each and everyone you came in the room.

  2. Vickie, you have no idea how very much I need your posts…especially this one! I don’t know you as an adult, only memories from high school, but I believe we could now actually be adult friends. You have been given several gifts from God and you use them so very well. I am grateful to have reconnected through myupsiderightlife! thank you for sharing! Judi

  3. I get the message! I still have work to do on letting go of events and people where I worked for 31 years. Letting go continues to be a struggle while I am certain those involved have long since forgotten the events. They very likely saw nothing wrong about how the series of events unfolded. The real kicker is I have not worked since 2009 and the events actually predate that by several years. The events cut me deeply but I know I should be over it by now. Some how my emotions about the events are stirred up by the physical problems that keep me from finishing letting go. I have yet to come to full peace with my physical limitations and lack of a job. The musical adventures I have are making it easier since I do have a concrete purpose in my life. …….☮ph

  4. Not sure why it had taken me so long to let go of certain grudges. I can say it is not only unGodly but it is unhealthy.
    I enjoy meeting you on the porch. Thank you for your honesty.

  5. I have known you since about 1983 and have never thought you to be rude. Forthright and tell it like it is – yes. You get it naturally – from your Mother. lol A person knows where they stand with you. Don’t change.

  6. I jI just started reading your posts. I find them so encouraging. I am battling my own battle with back surgery that somehow went wrong. I now have a hard time walking. Today it hurts just to sit and getting up makes you want to scream. I had a life before surgery now it is hard to have one but I am a fighter and do try to have one. I fine your comments and blog just what I need I think. Encouragement is what I need and your providing it. TY You did not deliver my children but I saw you several years after and I had no problem with you. I found you to be quite engaging. HAGD

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