Are you sure you want to go there?


I shouldn’t have.  I knew better.  I did it anyway.  Now, I regret it.  All I did was look with my eyes and my heart simply followed.   Consider yourself warned, that’s how it happens.  It happens quickly and it’s harder to get back once you are there.

Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” NIV

I was scrolling through the camera roll on my phone.  I saw a face I recognized.  It was mine.  It is not the same one I saw looking back at me from the mirror this morning.  Then there were pictures of activities:  bicycling, zip lining, snow skiing, boating, running, swimming, climbing, hiking and even hammering.  I hammered chicken wire onto a small house being constructed for a poor family in Mexico last spring.  A woman was needed to serve on the construction team in Tijuana and I was the obvious choice.  I’m pretty sure it was the biceps.  Well, that was another body, another life.  You are welcome to join me on my nostalgic trip through the camera roll, but only if it makes you smile.

cameral roll


I could feel sorry for myself.  A pity party would be completely justified.  I think I missed my quiet time this morning.  I lost my focus.  I need to tell you, just in case you know exactly what I am talking about.  Actually, I did open my Bible this morning to look up a reference about Elijah.  He sat down under a broom tree and wanted to die.  I have never been there.  I don’t have a broom tree.  I’m not really sure what one looks like.  But I think maybe that set the tone for the day.

Lamentations 3, “I am the man who has seen affliction…He has caused my flesh and my skin to waste away…He has walled me in so that I cannot go out; He has made my chain heavy…So I say, ‘my strength has perished, and so has my hope from the Lord.” NASB


I dish out a lot of advice.  I write it down and I share it.  Today I had to read it back to myself.  More importantly, I had to follow it.  I am glad I did.  Ever noticed it is easier to talk it than walk it?

Know what you believe, then believe what you know. Click To Tweet

More Lamentations 3, “Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.  This I recall to my mind, therefore I have HOPE.  The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease.  For His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.   Great is Your Faithfulness.   The Lord is my portion says my soul.  Therefore I have HOPE in Him.  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”  NASB


That’s the difference.  It’s the reason I’m not staying there.  I won’t complain.  I know the way back.  I’m going now.

More Lamentations 3, “For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.  Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?  Why should any living mortal or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins?  Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the Lord” NASB

My mom recently took me to Crystal Bridges Art Museum.  Wherever we go, it’s necessary for me to be let off at the door because I have myasthenia gravis and I can only walk short distances.  The day was a cold and windy and I waited outside while she got the car.  Sitting on a metal bench, I watched her try and figure out how to navigate the circle drive.  Frustrated, she finally drove in the wrong way sending the attendant into a complete tizzy.  When I got into the car she said, “I knew it was the wrong way, but…”  Yeah, me too.


You will feel compelled, but that’s my job.  Let me do it.  I want to encourage you.  I take it very seriously.  I have always been a cheerleader at heart.  Really, I am doing very well.  I just have to be honest.  I had a moment.  The stages of grief are real.  I have experienced denial, anger and bargaining.  I am hoping these few hours count as depression and I’ll move on to acceptance.  I share this so you will know I am not just writing this, I am living it.  I am not pretending either.  I invite you to follow my personal journey, maybe we have something in common.  If not, please feel free to share it with someone else.

If you are not receiving updates by email, enter your address below.  I enjoy the company.



  1. Sometimes finding the way back is difficult. The path is there, taking it is what hurts. Learning it can be difficult to accept. Beating it may be against the odds. Living with it, that’s the trick!

    1. I can relate! But, it serves no purpose for me to stay “there” either. God encourages me by knowing Who He is and that He uses all things for HIS glory. Thanks for sharing, sometimes we put doctors on a ‘higher plane”. Its a good reminder for us to know we all go through suffering at one time or another as did the Christ’s disciples. I want to be like Paul and Silas as they sang praises in prison.

  2. while I was stopped at a stoplight, I got a ding on my phone that told me I had an email. When I found out it was your blog, i pulled over to the side of the road, over by the west side Church of Christ, and read it. Great stuff! I look forward to your blogs!

    🙂  be wonderful,  Life is now 

  3. I love your blog. Even though I’m not going through your same situation, I can relate in so many ways. Thank you for sharing.

  4. When I read this post today, I thought of two times when I felt terrified, weak, and helpless–and both times it was your peace and calm, your skill and care that saved me.

    I look forward to everything you write.

  5. Vicky, I have a “moment” whenever I see a long distance runner running down the road. Still. After 19 years with MG. Myreactions have mellowed from despair and rage to wistful longing. Then I imagine myself in heaven, going for a really LONG run, after a long worship. Such hope in heaven.

  6. Like many, I have been inspired by your blog and have shared it with others. You encouraged me before mg and are still encouraging me after mg. May your accomplishments and the strengths of the past reflect in your future. Everything changes everyday so hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day.

    Deuteronomy 31:8
    8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

  7. Hang in there! I thank you for the verses today. I don’t go to the Old Testament as much as I should. Praying for you every day, as well as myself, that I will have your faith and strength to fight life’s battles. Hope your day gets better.

    Sent from my iPhone


  8. Dearest Vickie,
    I’m late, here, having spent the last few days at the house of a friend who’s lost her 48-year-old husband to a stroke. Someone has to tend her pre-school son and someone has to tend to her, and the honor has fallen to me.
    I am in this position without my Bible, due to the suddenness of all this, and a giant snowfall that has slowed all contact and almost all travel. The Bible in this house was her husband’s and she hugs it close, sleeps with it. I get that. But I needed some input here, just the right word for this dear friend who, understandably, is delirious with grief every night at about 2 a.m.
    This article, the Scripture here, will help so much..
    Please pray for us all.

  9. Just read “Don’t Go There”. It’s such a blessing to see you triumph during these trials with MG. Even in moments of your emotional or maybe mental weakness, you remain strengthened for your journey. God is great! My journey doesn’t seem to involve MG; but, we all travel down different trails in life, with their own set of stumbling stones. Thanks for your words of encouragement, through this blog. I’m glad you are doing well!! What wonderful memories you have, as revealed in your pictures. May you continue to make new, wonderful memories. Margaret

  10. You’re pictures did make me smile and brought back memories. You were the woman for the job in Tijuana and I will miss you this spring. Thank you for encouraging me!

  11. I love the fact that ” God’s mercies are new every morning”. Have a good morning! Love you and what you’re doing.

    Sent from my iPhone


  12. I am reminded of how Jesus answered Satan when he was tempted with “It is written”. Scripture is so powerful to Christians and gives us peace in such difficult times. Thanks for your example of using scripture to encourage and witness to all of us. Love you.

  13. HI Vickie, I have contacted you before, I have Parkinson’s Disease and initially alerted your Mother to have you see a movement disorder specialist after she described your symptoms one Sunday morning. We pray for you each Sunday morning and many of us pray for you daily. I know prayer changes things and it is wonderful to hear that you are having some better days.

    Your influence with many people is boundless. I know you are revealing your heart and your life in these blogs.

    Thanks so much for all you are doing in the face of adversity. It is plainly evident that God still has a ministry for you.

    Karen Garner

  14. Sometimes looking back, even sometime painfully, is the only way we can put ourselves in the position of looking forward. I will pray that your “forward” lifts you up in a mighty way.

    We prayed with your dad over you yesterday in our SS class. You are so loved. I hope you received the blessing of being lifted up by so many who care. So many who are strengthened by your words.

  15. Thank you Vickie for your transparency! I love His words: “His mercies are new every morning!” I love the hope in those words. Thank you for putting words to the hurt and focusing on the hope!

It's more fun when you join the conversation